the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
