i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
