Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He has the fingertips of a God
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