community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
