She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
