I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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