I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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