Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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