I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
