Where did you get a picture of my penis
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
