4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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