four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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