I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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