He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
