I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
