6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
