Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
