Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
