Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
