i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
