Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
