So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
