U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
