he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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