Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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