Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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