Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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