why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
