I need help removing her.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
