We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
