If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
