stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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