I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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