remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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