I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
