just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Damn victory sex feels great
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
