i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
