I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're too hungover to prance.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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