Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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