He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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