A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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