I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
