I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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