I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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