That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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