Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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