operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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