Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
