I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
