When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
