Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Mom said you looked used
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
