Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
