She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
